Take Care of Me
by Sorikaii
Summary: [Cloudgeal] Angeal is good at masking his feelings with stoicism, but when Cloud sees him for the first time after a gruesome mako treatment, he leans that even his boyfriend needs to be taken care of, sometimes.


There were pros and cons to dating a man with enhanced, inhuman strength, and chemicals running through his veins to alter his genetic makeup. Angeal, however different he was from most people, was Angeal, and that made him practically the perfect boyfriend. He was sweet, understanding, and did everything in his power to make sure Cloud was happy and well taken care of. Sometimes he could be over bearing, but sometimes Cloud could be distant, and they were good at the give and take, and making it work. For the most part, things were the definition of perfect. Until Wednesday night.

Cloud's life as a Cadet meant that he had strict rules to abide by, and one of those was not being out after hours. They had to be in their dormitories by 2100 hours each night and if they were caught out, well, Cloud was too scared to find out what would happen. With these regulations in place, spending time together with his boyfriend (who was a stickler for the rules) was difficult. But Shinra, in possibly the only decent thing they'd done for all of humanity ever, gave their Cadets fee time from Friday after 1700 hours to curfew on Sunday night. Most Cadets spent this time goofing off around Midgar, or furiously trying to cram all of their class material into their heads. For Cloud, it was an entire glorious weekend to spend in the company of his wonderful boyfriend, and though sometimes he was called off on missions, they were sure to make what time they did have together count.

But this week was different, in a morbid way. Cloud had been in a field exercise when one of his stupid squad mates caused a massive explosion. He didn't remember the details because he'd been immediately knocked unconscious by a piece of flying shrapnel, and two other boys were killed. He'd woken up in the infirmary a few hours later to the news, and a cut on his forehead. Protocol dictated that anyone involved in a mission or exercise that resulted in deaths from their squad would be given a week off to recover. It was necessary after the war, when even the survivors came back broken, unable to shake off the weight of the deaths, and guilty for returning back home. Cloud, though he felt kind of like a dick for it, wasn't really that upset. His squad mates, these two in particular, had bullied him, and once the rumors picked up about little Cadet Strife and Commander Hewley, they never missed an opportunity to make sure Cloud knew that he was only a First Class fuck toy. Did they deserve to die? Not really. But he wasn't exactly about to cry over it.

He stayed in the infirmary the rest of Monday and all of Tuesday until they finally released him late Wednesday afternoon. Angeal had been in to visit and fuss over him as much as his schedule allowed, but had mysteriously only shown up once, early, to explain that Wednesdays were busy and he'd see him in the morning. Cloud thought that showing up in Angeal's apartment after a long day of work would make his boyfriend happy, but he was wrong.

"What are you doing here?" He knew the voice, but the tone was unrecognizable. Angeal had never sounded that cold before, his voice was usually very kind and gentle. Cloud turned around on the couch, confused, and a little hurt.

"I got released, and they gave me the week off so I thought," his voice faltered a moment, "I thought I could spend it here with you."

Angeal closed the door loudly behind him and Cloud flinched. He'd never seen the sweet man so angry before. "I thought I made it clear to you that I'd be busy today."

"I…I can go, if you want, I didn't mean to bother you," he babbled, scared, getting off the couch and walking around behind it, ready to bolt for the door. Angeal took a few steps towards him and Cloud hated the fear that bubbled up inside.

"Leave. I don't want you here."

"Angeal, I'm sorry—"

"I said, leave!" The last word was shouted, which Cloud had never heard him do before, and it made him quiver. It was a tempting offer. He'd never truly noticed just how big Angeal was, all layers of thick muscle, suddenly almost bursting in his rage. The hard line of his jaw was strained, and his even his eyes were out of place. Usually a deep, safe blue, they were glowing green, like poison. It would have been easy to walk out of the door, but Cloud knew his Geal and this was not right. There was something terribly wrong here.

"No," he said quietly at first, but again with new confidence. "No. Tell me what's wrong. We have to talk about things, remember, you told me that. And I'm not leaving until you talk to me. "

"You couldn't stand up to me if you tried, you know. I'm much stronger than you are."

A shiver traveled down his spine. "I know that you would never hurt me, Angeal. Never." And he did. However frightened he may have felt in that strange moment, inside he knew that it was true. Geal was silent and Cloud took a deep breath, a chance, and a few steps forward until he was close enough to touch. His hands were placed on Angeal's biceps and he looked up at him, trying to find a hint of the man that he loved beyond his features. Angeal still didn't move, didn't protest, and Cloud took it as a chance to pull him into a hug, latching his arms around Geal's waist, and pressing his face into that chest, as he did so often. It was intimate and familiar and it was them, and Cloud didn't know what was going on but e wasn't going to let it happen that easily.

They stood that way for almost a minute before Cloud felt Angeal's chest start to heave and heard his breath catch. A glance up confirmed that he was crying and shaking, and he slumped onto Cloud, suddenly unable to stand. The Cadet couldn't support his bulk but he led them both down to the floor, where he held the man that he loved.

He'd never seen Angeal cry before. Not when he came back injured from a mission with his arm nearly ripped off; not when he told the story of how his father had died, though Cloud could tell that it had been almost traumatic for him as a child; not even that time they were only their way home from a date when a Wutaian woman, out of nowhere, ran up and spit on him, calling him a murderer, saying he'd killed her son during his tour in Wutai. Instead of crying, Angeal grew pensive and quiet, and it hurt Cloud to see it every time. This was a man who spent his lunch breaks feeding stray dogs, and would stand very still and hold a butterfly on his finger if it came close enough. He was kind, and gentle, and he didn't deserve this pain.

"Tell me what's wrong," he said, wrapping his arms around Angeal's neck and pulling his boyfriend's wet cheek against his own. His crying had grown quiet but Cloud could still feel the tears. He rubbed their cheeks together, trying to wipe them away. Angeal didn't speak right away, but when he did his voice was heavy with sorry and exhaustion.

"It's the mako treatments. They…I…this is what it's like, after."

Soldiers needed regular treatments until they stabilized, Cloud knew that, but he didn't know what it was like or even that Angeal was still getting them regularly. "How long?" He pulled back to search his boyfriend's eyes, which were back to a lovely shade of dark blue, though puffy from his crying.

"Every time, since I made First. It happens to all three of us, for some reason." Cloud didn't need to interrupt and ask who he meant by all three of us, "I get them done once every two weeks, usually, more often if my levels aren't stable enough."

"What's it like?" Cloud didn't want to think about it, didn't want to face the reality that the company they'd pledged to serve might be injecting people with things that changed them, but he couldn't afford to be ignorant. Not anymore, for Angeal's sake.

"It's like having your blood drained out and replaced with acid. Things get fuzzy, and you lose control of yourself. It makes me lose my temper sometimes, or say things I don't mean." He paused, and Cloud could feel the guilt rolling off of him in waves. "It burns badly, constantly. I usually can't sleep after, so Hollander gives me a sedative. It doesn't kick in as fast as it should, because of the mako, but it does make me very tired. That way I can sleep the worst of it off and wake up feeling fine in the morning, without having to worry that I hurt someone in my haze." It was already taking effect, Cloud could tell, by the way his body was drooping, unable to hold itself up much longer.

"All these months… You never told me." It wasn't an accusation, it couldn't be after what he'd just had described to him, knowing that this man was in such pain. But he wondered how Angeal could have hidden this for so long, and why he felt like he needed to.

"I was scared," Angeal admitted, leaning forward to sink his head onto Cloud's shoulder. Cloud brought his fingers up to run through Angeal's hair. "I never wanted you to see me like this. I didn't want to lose control of myself and lose you in the process."

"You can't lose me because I'm right here," Cloud assured him. "And I'll be here for a week, so we can talk about this later. Right now you need to help me get you into bed because you're falling asleep on my shoulder and I can't carry you to the bedroom."

Getting him up on his trembling legs was the worst part, and he dragged his feet on the way to the bedroom, but he held tight to Cloud's hand the entire time and that's how he knew they would be okay. They had a lot to discuss when he was feeling better, but tonight he let Angeal sleep while he removed the man's clothes and boots and tucked him into bed. The drugs had left him so exhausted that he wasn't even snoring, and the absence of it was almost eerie.

Maybe Angeal was bigger and stronger, a First Class and a war hero, but he hadn't let it harden his soul. Maybe he could be scary sometimes, and could crush Cloud's wrist with enough pressure, but Cloud knew that he wouldn't. And maybe sometimes, though he'd never say it outright, he needed to be taken care of too, the way that he tried so hard to take care of others. Sometimes, like tonight, Cloud needed to be the strong one, and he would take pride in that. He turned off the lights, took his place curled up against Geal's side, and together they slept peacefully.


End file.
